I finished my consulting interim CEO position in Sacramento, it was a 6 month position and I was grateful to work with wonderful people at Boys & Girls Club with an incredible mission. I was also excited to complete the position, the club hired an amazing CEO and all felt aligned and celebratory. I was excited to pick up with my ministry upon completing, writing, coaching, speaking, and retreats. The part that I wasn’t expecting was the feeling of some fear and anxiety about what’s next, what am I doing, where am I going, and how am I going to get there.
“Straight roads do not make skillful drivers.”
I think a part of me thought it will all unfold with ease and grace. The move-your-feet process has got me pondering at times. I thought more doors would open up quickly, and that’s got me questioning. I was wanting more of a blueprint to move forward, which I have found I see less and less as I continue to move in the way of my soul. A part of me wants to go back to the corporate world, to know more of what’s next, to have more of a defined outline, and to relax a bit more in regards to what’s around the corner. And a part of me wants to create in a big and beautiful way, to express and serve others, on purpose. That’s not an easy one to define, and I can now understand more of what an artist goes through- releasing more and living simpler.
“When I let go of what I am I become what I might be.”
Yesterday I felt stuck and challenged; What in the heck am I doing? How could I have left a successful position with security and purpose to live in this unknowingness that is really hard at times and spectacular at times? I had a good cry and knew deep down it was temporary. I did know enough to rest and take care of me, to take it slower and get back on the saddle tomorrow. I do see that both have pros and cons, and I know that my heart just wants to express.
“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”
Henry David Thoreau
“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
For today I am reaching out to those that my heart wants me to connect with. I am writing, I am meditating and I’m praying. I’m taking care of me with eating well, exercise, and dance. I am trusting the universe today and I know that the right and perfect action is taking place. I continue to follow the breadcrumbs. My thoughts and actions are creative, I am aligned and I will learn from each experience. It feels that at times I’m in the swirls of change, stormy and beautiful! I’m trusting the Universe, Spirit, my soul, all of it. I am seeing all the things in my life to be grateful for. I am incredibly grateful for my life, sometimes I forget how blessed I am.
“It’s weird, when I focus on the good things in my life, more good things begin to appear.”
“Awareness is all about restoring your freedom to choose what you want instead of what your past imposes on you.”
With this all said, what I definitely feel is that we are here for a reason. If I’m home, out in the community, or if I’m working or playing somewhere, what is important and what it’s all about is how I show up! Am I peace and love in action, or am I caught up in my head? Where can I show compassion? It really is less about the title or the defined work, and more about how we all show up, the energy we bring, the love we show, the kindness we give. Knowing that this moment, I am here, and that this is my purpose. It’s not out there somewhere in something, it is the here and now, the innerness. Yes, I have goals and visions and I know my heart needs to start in the here and now – that is complete just as it is. Trust!!! The Universe is for me, God is good, and when I show up fully, then I’m in flow! The Universe is for all of us!!! To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Once you make a decision the universe conspires to make it happen.”
“The present moment is the only moment available to us, and it is the door to all moments.”
Thich Nhat Haun
“PARADISE has never been about places. It exists in moments. In connection. In Flashes across time.”